![]() ![]() According to a recent survey, “54 percent of women felt dating burnout from looking for a partner.” 1 How did everyone else find the right person before burning out?Īs I was in that bathroom stall questioning my life choices, I remembered the story my mom and grandmother used to tell me about my great-grandparents. I wasn’t the only one feeling these frustrations. There’s no way this was how it was meant to be. As long as I could remember, I’d always wanted a partner and a family. It was hard not to take my lack of success as a reflection of my value. I was completely and utterly discouraged and depressed. On one particularly horrible date, I excused myself to the bathroom to have a moment to recover and text my friend, “Worst date ever.” I sighed and lamented, “So, this is 29.” I’d been dating intentionally, focusing on people from my community and on those who shared my values, but to no avail. I’d been on countless dates and they were duds. While there was a lot I admired and enjoyed about the Chabad community, I wondered if there was a way to tap into their sage wisdom without having to become Orthodox myself.Įight years later, my love life hadn’t gotten much better. The rebbetzin’s dating method sounded so nice- after being so isolated and unsuccessful in my own dating experience, the idea of having a loving community help and encourage me in my search sounded so refreshing. Finding a guy who was the right fit was hard, especially as a Jewish person who believes in Jesus. But other than that, my relationship record had consisted of awkward one-off dates with various acquaintances from class or the campus dining hall. Of course, there was the on-again, off-again camp boyfriend throughout high school, and the brief romance with an Israeli soldier when I was eighteen. I’d never had good luck in romantic relationships-in fact, I’d barely had one by that point in my life. My relationship record had consisted of awkward one-off dates with various acquaintances. I smiled and nodded in acknowledgement, but inside, I actually felt a bit of resentment. “It’s very important you be attracted to your husband,” she told me. However, if the woman didn’t want the match, it didn’t happen. She told me that when you’re ready to find a spouse, your family and friends compile a list of potential matches for you and you begin meeting them. Unfamiliar with the Chabad movement, I asked how dating was handled in her community. I told her I was pretty sure it wasn’t going to work. Just a week earlier, I had showed up to Shabbat dinner with my red-haired, Gentile boyfriend, and his level of discomfort made me realize that he wouldn’t make the best partner as I was pursuing my personal expression of Judaism. I couldn’t help but be amused by the timing of her bluntness. I was spooning out some cholent when the rebbetzin at the university Chabad house asked me a very direct question: “So do you plan on marrying Taylor?”
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